Posts

Why You Should Stop Being A Victim and Learn How to Forgive

/by

The fact is, violence is not only not a beautiful thing, but it’s also very painful and not without consequences for the perpetrator as well as the victim. – Clint Eastwood

There really is no difference between the bully and the victim. – Lady Gaga

Did you know that if you hold grudges that you’re actually letting the person or people you have that grudge against win? Let’s discuss how you can stop being a victim so you can learn how to be yourself again.

The Rise of the Victimhood Culture

I was recently made aware of a post that was published last Friday (9/11/15) about The Rise of Victimhood Culture. In it, the author, Conor Friedersdorf, talks about a new scholarly paper (Microaggression and Moral Cultures, Bradley Campbell and Jason Manning) that actually identifies that a culture of victimhood is indeed on the rise – especially in college settings.

He also mentions three types of culture: honor, dignity, and victim.

Honor Culture:

These are types of culture in which people (mainly men) maintain their honor by responding to insults, slights, and violations of rights by self-help violence. “Cultures of honor tend to arise in places where legal authority is weak or non-existent, and where a reputation for toughness is perhaps the only effective deterrent against predation or attack,” write Campbell and Manning. They note that honor cultures still exist in the Arab world and among street gangs in Western societies. (Fans of Sci-Fi would know that Klingons are all about this kind of culture.)

Dignity Culture:

During the 19th century, most Western societies began the moral transition toward dignity cultures in which all citizens are legally endowed with equal rights. Dignity does not depend upon reputation but exists as unalienable rights that do not depend on what other people think of one’s bravery. Having a thick skin and shrugging off slights become virtues because they help maintain social peace. The aphorism that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is practically the motto of dignity cultures.

Campbell and Manning add, “Insults might provoke offense, but they no longer have the same importance as a way of establishing or destroying a reputation for bravery. [Furthermore], when intolerable conflicts do arise, dignity cultures prescribe direct but non-violent actions.”

Victim Culture:

And just so we have a definition, in a victim culture individuals and groups display high sensitivity to anything that conflicts with them. When they have a conflict, they have a tendency to handle the conflict through complaints to third parties (such as cops, blogs, petitions, and the government) and seek to cultivate an image of being victims who deserve assistance.

Victim Cultures – Are They Good or Bad?

At the end of Conor’s article, he asks if Dignity Culture is better than Victim Culture. At face value, I think that it’s kind of hard to tell. If you see wrongs in the world and want to do something about them, the easiest way to do that is to play the victim. It is effective and I think that’s why so many people have started doing it.

That said, does that make it right?

If you want to correct a social imbalance perhaps at the price of your own personal freedom, it just might seem like the most effective way to do it. If that’s what you believe is right, then sure. I guess it’s right from that perspective.

However, if you’re like me, and you don’t want the outside world to define you (and you especially don’t want your personal freedoms taken), then the first thing you have to realize is that playing the victim card puts a stereotypical label on you. That label might be that you’re weak, that you’re ignorant, or you just might be Chicken Little (the sky is falling!).

This is why the Dignity Culture is called what it is. In the dignity culture’s perspective, people who cry that they are a victim lack dignity. They feel that victim’s lack self-respect and a sense of pride. To a point, this is understandable. No one likes a tattle-tale. So people who continually cry wolf are eventually going to wear out their welcome.

Not only that, but often times you can see the victim become the bully. In one instance, one group might see the first group getting preferred treatment due to their victimization. That second group might feel belittled themselves. Another instance might be that the victim now feels that they have a right to act a certain way. That if others do it to them, then they’re allowed to do it to others.

To me, I can’t say that the Dignity Culture is better than the Victim Culture. I think both have some good and negative traits to them. There are times when Whistleblowing needs to occur. In a straight Dignity Culture, it would never happen. People would be told to suck it up regardless of whatever occurred. However, if someone is repeatedly using the victim card to get things that they believed are entitled to them, they need to get a better understanding of what Rights and Privileges are.

Don’t Take Things Personal – Learn to Live through Forgiving

So how does this all relate to living a happier life and a more fulfilling career? It’s actually pretty simple.

The more things that we trust third parties to solve the less power we give ourselves. The less power we give ourselves, the less potential our life will have. Unless we expect third parties to give things to us, we must work for them ourselves.

To work for things takes energy. So does holding in negative energy towards others. The more negative energy you hold in, the more you taint yourself with that energy. In the end, negative energy consumes your true self and your true potential. Learn to forgive so you don’t let the “bad guys” win.

Homework:

Are you holding any grudges? If so, ask why you hold them. Is it from something that happened last week? Last month? Or last decade? How long is enough to punish yourself with those emotions. The longer you let other people get to you, the longer they’ve “won”.

If you’ve let go of some grudges, let us hear about them below and how you’ve felt since releasing that self-imposed stress.

How to Be More Influential By Adding Great Value to Others

/by

“Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give.” – Dr. Ben Carson

“People don’t know how much you know until you show how much you care.” – Dr. John C. Maxwell

Two of my favorite quotes. You know that people will listen if you share knowledge that helps them. Want to go a little further and get some influence? Add some value to their lives. In today’s post, we’ll be talking about how you can be more influential with people by bringing them value.

So what did you learn from that? Hopefully you got the impression that giving value is important in sales. You say you’re not in sales? O contraire! You definitely are!

Did you know that every day people are selling themselves? Whether it’s a salesperson doing a direct sale or an engineer with a proposal for a project, or a mother trying to get her kid to eat vegetables, everyone is selling. Everyone is thinking about how they’re going to influence their audience (the customer, the client, or kid) to buy their product or services, or eat carrots.

One of the largest difference makers in making that sale is whether or not that person has influence on their audience.

As Jeffrey said, he tries to give value first… and that’s what gets you influence.

Which is much different than what a lot of people do today. Instead of looking for the win-win, they’re looking for the “how can I use this person”? The person who is looking for the win-win is looking how to give value. The second type is taking value. The first one is the influencer while the second one, I think, is the persuader… the manipulator.

Giving Value in our Daily Lives

Before we talk about giving value in our professional life, let’s just make sure we get a better idea of what giving value means for sure. Something simple. Nothing drastic.

If you were to give value in something that you’re already doing right now, how would you do that? You might be thinking that you’d have to start thinking and acting differently than you currently do. But would you really? I’m sure there’s things in your life that you’re already doing for others that give them value. For instance, while I’m the guy of the household, and traditionally men supposedly don’t cook, I know that I can bring value by being the person who cooks dinner on a regular basis.

Think about something you might be good at that you could use to benefit those around you. Believe me, it’ll help later.

Giving Value In our Careers

In the professional space, you might think that people are looking to get ahead of each other by beating each other down. By stealing ideas and contacts. It’s total competition out there – even in the same company. People are trying to beat each other for that next position. So you have to take what you can get! When the boss asks you a question, you better respond with a “Yes, sir!” response.

Right?

Wrong.

First off, that’s not a very confident mindset. People will notice that you’re afraid of the workplace if you have that kind of perspective. So let’s try to look at things from another perspective. One of collaboration.

For one, instead of using that quick to respond with definite answers, let’s try to answer questions with questions. Obviously we don’t want to make it obvious. But let’s try to dig deeper for something that will be a better solution instead of something that’s a quick fix. The more you know about a certain subject, the more thorough you can be about about your solution.

A way you can do that, for example, is enter any meeting that you have with 4 questions that you want to get answered:

What are the goals (short and long term)?

Who is the audience?

What is the capabilities of your group and/or department?

How do you measure success?

As you become a person who helps think things out (as opposed to going to the know it all quick fix), people start coming to you for help.

Another way that you can add value to people is being what’s know as The Connector (as Malcolm Gladwell calls them) or the Linchpin (as Seth Godin refers to them).

The idea of this particular person is that they’re a main hub of a certain network of people. They’re the ones who can carry out a conversation with someone from one year to next without ever acting like time has passed. Generally speaking, these people know where they met someone and what they were doing at the time.

If this sounds like you or you want to become one, I recommend reading The Tipping Point and/or Linchpin to find out more.

The third way that you can add value, or even if you’re unsure, is to ask yourself these three questions:

Is what I’m doing or the acts that I’m performing different but also includes ideas that other people from the group have thought about? (You don’t want to come off as being too maverick!)

Is this a great contribution? Is this work something I’ve strived for excellence in? (Don’t half ass your work. Remember the Agreement: Always do Your Best)

Do I really care about what I did? Did I see this in perspective of helping other people? (Again, think about the quote at the beginning of this post.)

 

Homework:

The next time you want to influence your peers, family, or audience, think about how you’re going to add value to them. What is something only you can provide to the group? A perspective? Experiences? Make sure you’re providing that information not because you want to manipulate but because you want to truly help. You’d be surprised what will happen as time goes on.

11 Ways to Be Happier Day to Day

/by

Empaths and Narcissists. Two very different types of people. You could say that they’re extremes. On one hand with the empath, you have a person who feels everything that is going on with themselves and the people around them. Perhaps they feel that they’re “out of this world” or misplaced because they see all the emotion. That they have superhuman powers to read people. To sense vibes. Many times, they absorb all these emotions that are around them feeling weighted down by the burdens of the world.

On the other hand, you have the narcissist. One could say that this is the opposite of the empath. They look at others as instruments to get what they want. Many times, these people have become like this because of some sort of pain they received earlier in their life. Furthermore, the narcissist won’t realize that the world doesn’t work this way. That the world is a two way street. They’ll literally do anything to get where they want to get to in life.

In either case, neither will likely be able to create their own happiness. The empath might think that having their own happiness is too selfish. The narcissist, on the other hand, will think that their unhappiness is everyone else’s fault. So why should they put time into it if no one else will?

That said, I think most of us that have struggled or currently struggle with being happy fall somewhere between these two extremes.

Your Happyness is Yours to Build

Just like many things, Happiness is a journey, not so much a destination. The Founding Fathers knew this when they mentioned it in the Declaration of Independence. If you should remember anything about July 4th this weekend, is that in the United States it is the God Given Right to live life, be free, and strive towards our own happiness – whatever that might be. So as we come to this celebration of what the US stands for, I wanted to break down 10 things that we can do to be more happy.

The reason why I recommend the Four Agreements on a regular basis is because I believe it has led me to be happier myself. The agreements are as follows:

Be Impeccable with Your Word

Don’t Take Anything Personal

Don’t Make Assumptions

Always Do Your Best

In these four, I’ve come up with a list of 11 key everyday practices that can help you gain more happiness daily.

Be Impeccable with Your Word

Stop Complaining

Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems. – Zig Ziglar

Chances are you don’t want to be around some that complains all the time. So why would anyone want to be around you if you do? If you must complain, give yourself 5 minutes to do so. Better yet, instead of complaining about something, instead look for a possible solution? No solution? Focus on the positive and perhaps cut a joke.

Focus on the Positive Things in Life

When you focus on problems, you’ll have more problems. When you focus on the possibilities, you’ll have more opportunities. – Unknown

The more you focus on negative things in your life, the more they’ll come in. It will show up in your work, your relations, and everything else. Instead, shift your attention to the positive perspective. In return, more positive things will come.

Blame yourself, not others

The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life. – Hal Elrod

Every one us is where we are in life due to choices we’ve made in the past. Sure, our circumstances are different, but more often then not, many of us take the easier route which in the long run makes us weaker for the hard stuff in life. Take the challenges as they come in life and you’ll be prepared for when crap really hits the fan.

Don’t Take Anything Personal

Stop Caring About What Others Think of You

If you care about what other people think, you will always be their prisoner. – James Frey

Every great leader, artist, entrepreneur, and/or political leader (George Bush is a painter now… wha!?) ignored what people thought of them at one point or another. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be able to take off. Instead, if others are tearing you up, realize it’s more than likely because they’re envious OR threatened by you.

Stop Needing to Be Right All the Time

Humility is the solid foundation of all virtues. – Confucius

Learn to laugh at yourself. It’s ok to stand up for things you really believe in, but not on every subject. In stead of trying to be right, learn how to see other people’s point of view. When I argue politics on Facebook, I typically do after understanding the other side’s perspective. Start asking more questions to see other’s points of view, it might open a whole new perspective for yourself… one that you incorporate your old perspective and theirs into an ultimate right answer! 😉

Don’t Make Assumptions

Stop Judging

Judging a Person Does Not Define Who They Are… It Defines Who You Are – Unknown

Stop judging or worrying about other’s people’s lives. Unless you’re trying to be a narcissist, you need to focus more on what you’re doing right in life. Even if you think it’s not that bad and won’t hurt anyone, stop. It’s hurting you and you just don’t realize it. Focus on your own life and how you’re going to perfect it.

Ask Questions to Clarify

Begin challenging your assumptions. Your assumptions are the windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile or the light won’t come in. – Alan Alda

This is simple. If you’re interested in being successful, learn to make things clear at the beginning. Yes, it’s impossible not to assume 100% of the time, especially if you’re doing something that has been multiple times before, but make sure you’re always asking questions to clear things up before it gets worse.

Always Do Your Best

Be Present

What is presence? It is a grounding and harmony in this very moment; it is a physical alertness, an emotional acceptance, a spiritual awareness and union with what is in front of us in the here and now; it is a vital consciousness to who we are and what we are sensing; it is a mindfulness to what is meaningful; it is the Way – Brendon Burchard

Brendon talks all the time about his life mission being “Did we live? Did I love? Did I matter?”. So often we find ourselves living in the past in how good things used to be. Or we live in the future in how we want things to be. Live in the present. You’ll never get to the future you want if you don’t appreciate where you are now.

Be Fearless

Being Fearless isn’t being 100% not fearful, it’s being terrified but you jump anyway… – Taylor Swift

Fear is a strong motivator in life. Perhaps possibly the strongest to not be great. Perhaps you’re worried about leaving friends behind. Perhaps you’re worried that you might fail in whatever you’re setting out to do. The hard truth is that at the end of the day or even your life, you’re going to wish that you at least tried to do something vs always dreaming “what if”. Don’t waste the gifts that you’ve been given. Go Do Your Thing.

Stop Being So Hard on Yourself

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. – Steven Furtick

I know I’m my own worst critic. I know that inside of us there’s a fan and there’s the scrooge. For many of us, we’ve been told our entire lives that we can do anything we want to do… just don’t screw up. Furthermore, school taught us, pass without failing.

What we don’t learn until after school is that we don’t learn in life without failing. Failing is part of life. Once you accept this, then you start relying more on the fan to motivate you. The scrooge will always be there saying, “you don’t deserve to be awesome”. However, as you start gaining success, you’ll listen to the fan more and more. While you might not be perfect, you give value to others.

Stop Worrying About the Small Stuff

Worry is a misuse of the imagination. – Dan Zadra

We worry about everything and anything. Part of limiting what influence the scrooge has is to realize that others aren’t perfect either. Just because someone isn’t replying to your emails, texts, or phone calls doesn’t mean they suddenly don’t like you.

Learn to focus on what you can do in the current moment and not worry so much on what the outcome is going to be.

Your Turn

So below in the comments, let me know what you do to feel happier on a day to day basis. Are there any tricks or tips that you do when you feel yourself getting down? Chime in and share!

5 Ways to Make Marriages Work

/by

So, a few weeks ago during the middle of the Millennials as Entrepreneurs series, there was a little article that made some waves in my Facebook News Feed. While many friends agreed with it, Maria and I kinda thought it was a little off center.

As we were reading it, it occurred to both of us that the problems that the author, Anthony D’Ambrosio, noticed were superficial problems. That said, I think in general that the problems that many Millennials have are due to much deeper problems. Problems that are going to take some actual time and possibly some self investigation to figure out.

So, here’s my tough love advice in how Millennials (well, really, anyone) can make marriages work. After reading this list, I hope you’ll have better luck in the marriage department!

Statement 1: Sex Becomes Almost Non-existent

My Response: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

First and foremost, let’s not confuse sex columnists with relationship columnists. They are not one in the same. Sex experts generally run in the same circles as pickup artists and porn stars, while you usually find relationship columnists in circles of people like John Maxwell, Les Brown, or a Gary Chapman. They’re typically not the same people.

Need an example of who you might listen to? Ok. Then let’s take an example that I’m sure you’re familiar with: Dr. Drew Pinsky of Loveline.

Now, Dr. Drew has been in many of our lives since we were growing up. (It’s still hard for me to not think of him AND Adam Carolla hosting the show.) However, he’s not just about sex, even though many of us would think he is. He’s actually a licensed Physician and Surgeon. On top of that he’s been married since 1991 and has a couple of kids. So obviously, you can listen to him as he does have experience.

In contrast, sex educators like Emily Morse and Sandra Daugherty, while they might actually have credentials to talk about sex, you can tell just by listening to their podcasts that they have issues with relationships.

Also, you’ll also notice that in the political spectrum, relationship experts are generally more conservative while sex experts are more liberal.

So make sure you’re getting advice from the right kind of expert here.

Now that we have that ironed out, here’s something else to consider. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages tells you all you need to know about filling up your partner’s love tank. In the article, Anthony says that sex is the “most important part” of a relationship. Well, there’s a type of person that’s like that in Gary’s book. There’s also 4 other types of people who think that the most important part are other things.  One guess is that Anthony and his spouse might not have had matching love languages.

My recommendation? Find a partner who shares the same love language you have so that you don’t have to think about what fuels their fire, so to speak. 

Statement 2: Finances Cripple Us

My Response: Learn How to Live Under Your Means

Having grown up as the only child of a single mom, I’ve kind of always known about the problems of the household. People need to vent at times and frankly who else was she going to tell? Of the many things that my mom could have talked about, the thing that she did talk about the most was finances. I think mainly because she didn’t understand them herself until she was in her late 40’s. Even then, she wasn’t a master. So she made sure that I was interested enough to study them myself. In the end, I learned how to be frugal. Lol, who am I kidding. I might suffer from being a tight wad… but I’d sooner be that than out on the streets.

One of the things that Anthony talks about is that he can’t live life because of all the debt he has.

Well. I don’t have debt. Not much, anyway. Hell, I didn’t even have a credit card until a couple of years ago. Why? Cause either a.) I worked my tail off to get what I wanted in college and bought with cash. or b.) mom helped.

NEEDS vs WANTS

However, her helping me didn’t come free. There was a trade off somewhere. Many times my WANTS were put aside for my NEEDS. For example, I’ve never owned a brand new car. Would I like one, sure. Who wouldn’t? But instead at college, I rolled around in my 1983 Oldsmobile Firenza and later my 1995 Chrysler Lebaron. I made the trade of getting a college degree vs having a sporty looking import. (A side note, it’s 2015 and I just scored an awesome 2007 Dodge Magnum. Pretty pimp if I do say so myself. Has the space for the future me but the engine of the now me!)

Another want? To go on vacation. Like, for it to be paid for and not worry about money. As far as vacations go, the last vacation I took was my honeymoon in 2013. Thanks to gifts from my wedding. Before that, the last vacation I had was in 2003 to Las Vegas… where I didn’t play anything more than $50 at the slots? All other trips I’ve taken have been road trips to visit family. Not really vacation.

Don’t judge your life based on other’s high points.

Another thing he mentions is that he sees others having awesome lives. That we’re “forced to see the life everyone else is living.”

I don’t know what kind of life he’s living, but the awesome pictures that I see others posting on Facebook and other social media are more than likely those people’s high points. To judge yourself based on an endless stream of those highs, is really not fair to yourself. So stop it. Seriously. The people who travel all the time? They probably aren’t in a steady relationship unless you see that person too. The person who posts pictures of their family? They probably desperately want some alone time. One thing that has helped me out quite a bit is learning how to curate my news feed. Now all I get are pictures of cats, memes, and political stuff. Totally ok by me!

That said, if you have no idea how finances work, then you’re going to be the victim of your circumstances. Unfortunately, that rarely ends up at an ideal destination. Want to start learning about finance? A great source would be Dave Ramsey’s show and/or podcast. He’ll give you all the tough love you want.

Statement 3:We’re more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time.

My Response: Put down the controller and go outside, kid.

People who can’t learn to put down their phone or tablet or put down their laptop, apparently were never told to go play outside as a kid. I admit that I am the definition of a gamer and even I know when I’ve had enough. But that’s because I’ve been around technology all my life. I was a geek before it was trendy. I have this clock inside of me that tells me when it’s time to do something productive.

So, first hand, I’ll tell you this: If you want to lose time quickly, stare and interact with a screen that has moving things on it. Time will fly by, I guarantee it. Likewise, as an adult, poking at social media all day isn’t any different. The same synapses are firing in your brain.

Going outside to play makes life slow down as a kid. As an adult, putting down your phone and just being present is what you should be striving towards. Stop worrying about things you can’t control. You’ll drive yourself insane if you do otherwise. Don’t let your social media and technology control you. Learn to control it. Learn to know when enough is enough.

Statement 4: Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved

My Response: There’s an empty hole inside you, dear serial selfie taker.

I have never taken a selfie. Not once. Have I had other take a picture of me? Yes, of course. There’s a difference. In my case, a big difference. I’ve never enjoyed having pictures of me taken – even when I was a kid. I know a part of it was that I didn’t like looking good in pictures – that kind of still lingers to this day. However, I think the biggest thing was that I didn’t like being the focus of attention. I’ve never been interested in being a celebrity.

However, there’s a difference in being a celebrity vs what celebrities have, don’t get me wrong. If I could be a part of the infamous 1%, I would. Even with the media hating on them and people constantly trying to assassinate them or the need of constantly having to worry about million dollar deals on a daily basis, I’d think that would be awesome. Why? Simply because with money does come options to help people in ways that no one person can do otherwise and frankly, who wouldn’t want the ability to have the finer things in life if it was desired?

But outside of being a teacher and speaker, I have no interest in being in front of people. If I am going to be in front of people, I better be adding value to them. 

Statement 5: Social media just invited a few thousand people into bed with you.

My Response: This is actually a continuation of Statement 4…

Ok, so you don’t take selfies. I’ll give you points for that. But why would people feel it necessary to take pictures of their wardrobes? Or during their date? Why? What’s that going to get them? Again… you’re going for bragging rights or least some form of being a celebrity. The last I heard, true celebrities are made the old fashioned way. They’re selected by the powers that be. Just because some people Liked your last Instagram picture, doesn’t make you an insta-celebrity. If you want people to stick around in your life, leave them feeling better than when they came in it. They’ll never forget you.

So, that’s just my 2p…

What about you? Are you or anyone you know struggling with the above problems? Are you guilty of some of these? Is your significant other? How about a friend and their mate? Did you say anything similar to what I’ve said above? In the comments below, I’d like to hear about cases in your life… and if they were a friend, what you told them!

Millennials as Entrepreneurs, Part 8 of 10: Leading is An Ideal Goal for Us

/by

In part 1 we discussed some statistics about what Millennials want in the work place. I’ll share them again:

 

  • 64% of them say it’s a priority for them to make the world a better place.
  • 72% would like to be their own boss. But if they do have to work for a boss, 79% of them would want that boss to serve more as a coach or mentor.
  • 88% prefer a collaborative work-culture rather than a competitive one.
  • 74% want flexible work schedules.

 

Look at that second number. 72% of us want to be our own boss. To do that, we have to run our own business. And to do that, need to have some sort of leadership skills.

 

The World is Full of Followers who want to Lead

 

In the 6th installment of this series, I talked about The Prussian Education System contributing to why Millennials are Lost. How it has been used to create a population of soldiers who follow the oligarchy of the Progressive Movement that originally installed it. They want and continue to want followers.

 

The other contributing part to the Lost Generation can be found in part 1, when we saw how Millennials generally want a lot out of life.

 

The catch is that these two ideas contradict each other. One of them is going to have to yield to the other.

 

So far it seems it seems that many of us don’t know which to choose. In fact, many of us are even pushing back our internal clocks to have more time to develop “Me”. It seems like a whole lot of confusion. Do we invest in a job that might have the conditions we’re used to or do we invest in ourselves and create that atmosphere for ourselves?

 

Leaders Get The Credit Through Failure

 

If there’s one thing that we’ve learned from our role models growing up is that leaders get the credit. From our coaches in high school, to athletes in the pros, to politicians, and award winning actors, we see that those who succeed get the most credit. It is almost intolerable for us to be unsuccessful. We have grown up most of our life believing that we CANNOT and MUST NOT fail.

 

The problem with this is that we now have a generation of people who don’t really know that failing is a part of learning. That we can’t really learn something until we’ve tried to apply knowledge and screw up.

 

Many of us have not heard of all the failures that successful people have had before they were successful. However, it’s true.

 

As it’s suggested then, we need get out there and fail quicker! Otherwise, the alternative is taking a seat and job hopping in the new economy – something that personally I don’t want to do. I’d prefer security.

 

Leadership is Something Learned

 

Leadership for most of us is appealing and scary at the same time. We know that if we want things to go our way, that we must appeal to others to follow our plan. If we’re successful with spreading the idea, then we find ourself leading. At the same time we know leadership can be lost as quickly as it can be gained if we’re not careful with our followers. So we need to learn how to lead with purpose.

 

A big key in being a leader is actually studying it. Seeing what other people have done successfully before us and actually studying those actions. We can do that through case studies, or the hard way through personal experience OR we can cheat and read books by authors like John Maxwell.

 

Once you have successfully gained influence of others and can wield it successfully, then you are on the path of being a true leader. But just like anything else in the self development world, it’s something that you’ll need to continue to study.

 

Leading By Example

 

In the comments below, I’d love to hear about your experiences at being a leader. Whether you’ve had success or have failed at it, let us know below. Also, if you did fail, what did you take away from the experience?

 

Next week, in part 9, we’ll discuss making the big choice. Those that succeed in building a business will be the ready made leaders after 2020. Will you be a leader or a follower? We’re in a perfect place in history to make our collective mark for other generations to follow!

Millennials as Entrepreneurs, Part 7 of 10: Easiest Method of Self Expression in One’s Career

/by

In the last session of this series, I had a little tough love for our generation. But there was a reason for that. A lot of us ARE lost. Not lost as in a lost cause but lost as in confused. It is said that when people are confused, they lack clarity on what action to take – so they take none. The secret on taking action is to first find out where you are.

 

Just like when you’re lost geographically and you want to get somewhere, you need to know where you’re at so that if you had a map, the map could actually be of use to you.

 

Part of finding out who you are includes finding your personality. Another part includes finding your purpose in life. To Millennials, these are highly important. We are very self expressive. (You might not think you are personally, but then again we are the Generation of “Me!”.)

 

When you find your purpose in life, life gets that much easier. You start making choices that reflect where you want to go. It’s a life hack that is well worth the search.

 

On the other hand, when a person hasn’t found their purpose, there’s a good chance that they’ll jump from occupation to occupation or vise to vise hoping that they can fill the void in their life.

 

How to Find Your Purpose

 

Personally, I’ve learned a lot about myself since I’ve gotten out of grad school. I’ve had time to figure out what makes me tick and what I’m good at. This has helped me clear the view of what I want to accomplish in life. In other words, I’ve found my purpose.

 

Before you start on your path of finding your purpose, you might need to deprogram yourself. I did this with the book The Four Agreements. I highly recommend this book, however it might come off a little out there. So if you want something that’s more down to earth, try this. It has a longer list of things to remember… but it’s still useful.

 

Once you deprogram yourself, the first part to finding yourself is to recognize your personality. Finding your personality helps you learn how you naturally interact with the world around you. Do you live for the future? Do you live for the now? Or do you live based on where you’ve come from? How do express yourself? How do you think? These are questions that can be answered by figuring out your personality.

 

Once you find out who you are including your strengths and weaknesses (and acknowledging them) then you can start looking at finding your passion. Your passion is basically the concept of what you’re naturally interested in. What do you do with your spare time?

 

People might have similar strengths and weaknesses. They might have similar personalities. But the chances for them to have the same strengths, weaknesses, personality, AND interests is a pretty small chance. This is what makes you valuable. You just need to know where you fit. Once you’ve discovered your passions, you’ll be onto finding your purpose.

 

Your purpose is finding out how you fit into the world. And my biggest recommendation is: Don’t try to force it. If you’re a circle, don’t try being a triangle. If you’re a connector of people, don’t try being a super geek.

 

If You Don’t Program Yourself What To Think, The World Will Do it For You.

 

The mistake of not finding your purpose will more than likely land you in a situation you don’t want or appreciate. I’ve seen several people struggle with themselves through a midlife crisis. Yeah, you remember that phrase? It’s not used as much as it used to be, but people still go through them. Why?
Because they have been living someone else’s dream for them. They didn’t take the time to figure out what they wanted in life… until they realized they were a certain age and it wasn’t what was supposed to happen… to them. They might be really successful if compared to others, but in reality, they should have been doing something else the whole time. Have you ever heard of the expression in regards to a person’s career: “I found that I was climbing a ladder but realized that it was on the wrong building”?

 

Believe it or not, this has happened to a number of our parents. It’s one cause for people suddenly seeking divorce after being married a long time.

 

Have Full Reign to Follow Your Purpose

 

As an employee, we’re told what to do, when to do it, and possibly how to do it. Of course, as an employee this is what we signed up for. We’re selling our most valuable commodity, time, for money. If you have a problem with any of that… you should probably be a business owner.

 

However, if you’re an entrepreneur, there’s obviously risk involved. But there’s also risk if you’re an employee as well. As an entrepreneur, you might find yourself not needed. As an employee you might find yourself… not needed.

 

The difference? When you first started your job, you were guaranteed income. You knew you were going to get paid. As an entrepreneur, that might not be the case. However, as an entrepreneur, you have full control on your career. For some that’s a little hard to handle. Yet for others, that’s all we want to handle. We want to be personally responsible for our own success.

 

In the comments below, let me know if you’re on the path that you feel is right for you. If it isn’t right, say why not. If it is right, let me know how you found this path. Did you go through the above process or simply stumble into it?

 

Next week in part 8, we’ll be discussing Leadership by means of being an Entrepreneur. We touched briefly on this in part 6, but we’ll be looking more at why being a leader gets you closer to your ideal self.

 

Millennials as Entrepreneurs Part 2 of 10: The Power of the Trend Setter

/by

The world of the Millennial is already upon us. It’s really ours for the taking. Those who have realized this have already started doing so.

 

Just look at Chelsea Krost. I didn’t even know she existed until a week or so ago. And what does she do? She talks about the characteristics of Millennials as a whole. Yeah, there’s plenty of us who do this – but wow – she’s been on shows like Good Morning America, Today, and Tyra. I mean, for a person in their early 20’s, she’s doing great!

 

As it was eluded to in the last post, there are some that will really have a hard time coming to terms of our demands as a generation. Millennials have a completely different value structure than those that came before us.

 

However, we’re here and we’re creating a lot of change early in our career.

 

Case in Point? Look at Today’s Fashion

 

Have you ever actually paid attention to what people are wearing? Like, just looking at what they wear? Is it new? Is it old? Is it something new to look old?

 

If you’re like most people, you’ve probably thought about it at least once in your life and laughed and said, “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that!”. And even then we question whether or not we’re behind in fashion.

 

Personally, I’ve found myself thinking this more and more. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s almost not worth bothering about what you wear.

 

If you look at what makes Millennial fashion unique… you might think of all kinds of different things. Let’s look at glasses, for example. It would seem that predominant style is thick black frames. However, thin seems to be still in as well. Or heck, you might even see something from the 60’s (You know the ones with the little corners with gems or designs peaking out of the corners? Yeah, I’ve seen those around too!).

 

Or heck, let’s look at pants. Who would have EVER thought that leggings would come back as hard as they have. Oh man. If you were to tell my early college self that those would be coming back, I would have thought you came to the future with Marty McFly.

 

And now, not only are high school and college kids wearing them – but their parents who probably wore them originally in the 80’s and 90’s are wearing them again – even after the originally said “Never again!”. Lol.
We’re setting the trend.

Other Successful Industries Have Started Catering to Us

 

The Baby Boomers, obviously, were the last generation to set the trend. As discussed in the last post, much of what we do today is based on their principles and values. That’s not bad, but it’s not necessarily great either. I would like to believe I have a work ethic similar to what Baby Boomers would expect everyone to have. However, at the same time, I think much of what’s wrong with Washington is that those in power want to keep the lifestyle they’re accustom to and they’ll gladly take money from lobbyists to do so. (Check out Generation Zero about this.)

 

Millennials – we’re not like that so much. There’s so much of a difference between Baby Boomers and Millennials that I believe right around 2020 – there’s going to be a HUGE shift how everything is run.

 

Many Industries have already seen the writing on the wall and are totally skipping over Gen Xers and their tastes and going straight to us. A big part of that is because we’re larger than the Gen Xers as a demographic. However, we also have more disposable income as a whole. Most Gen Xers are already in midlife and have to worry about putting houses over their families’ heads. There’s other reasons why they haven’t been counted, and you can refer to this column here for that info.

 

To survive, major conglomerates will have to change their tune. For example, today, Comcast sells things for convenience. The larger a bundle you have, the more you’ll save for more channels. This caters to the Baby Boomer audience. For the most part, they don’t want to mess with the technology to get their entertainment fix.

 

On the other hand, if you see what’s been trending in popularity, it’s all about On Demand. Whether that comes from Comcast is up to them. Why? Because us tech savvy Millennials are, (as we explored last post) all about “Me!”. We don’t care if we get our entertainment fix is from Netflix, Roku, Apple TV, etc.

 

Think about it. Do you think there are more cord cutters in the Millennials or the Baby Boomers? Comcast sticks to simple and possibly outdated tech for the Boomers (who really needs a landline?). At the same time they’re transitioning to On Demand for Millennials. That being said, they better work on that price structure a little more to keep us around!

 

 

Mind The Gap

 

So really, rather or not companies would like to complain about how much we’re different than X’ers and Boomers is not the point. The point is, again, we’re setting the trend. They can’t help but figure out what keeps our interests if they want to survive the big change.

 

But they’re at a disadvantage. Why? They have to higher millennial consultants, like Chelsea, to tell them how Millennials minds work. You and I, on the other hand… we have the upper hand. We are millennials.

 

So, in the comments below. I want to know about what kind of trends you’re starting with your friends and other people you have some influence with. Something as simple as a new app you’re using or a new website you’re following that you’ve shared. Then, I want you to think on whether or not they think of you as the source of particular new things in their life.

 

If you can do that simple exercise, you know that you’re adding value to someone. You are a trend setter.

 

Also, stay tuned for next week’s post in which we’ll be exploring the reasoning on how there are so many types of potential business out there.