New Inceptions’ goal has always been to discuss some of the “taboo” topics that are not covered in places of formal education. Those taboo topics are generally seen as developing the overall intelligence/common sense of a person – not just their book smarts. As you might have seen, I tend to write more about goals, success, and wealth development. Why? Because that’s what I’m interested in. When I pick up a magazine and flip through it, I usually read articles that deal with how a person or group of people overcame something, are fixing problems, or how a journey was started and where those people are today. Be that anywhere from a science magazine to a recent edition of Sports Illustrated, or Inc. Magazine.
However, ever since I started NI, I wanted to do more than talk about these topics alone. While they are important to me, I also wanted to bring in more information on building meaningful relationships, and specifically romantic relations. For many in the intended audience of 20/30 somethings, love can be a confusing thing – especially in the 20’s. While I don’t claim to be an expert in this field, (and I’m still searching for people with better credentials to write on these topics who would like to write for NI) there are some things that I have learned and I fully plan on sharing them. After all, NI is all about the pursuit of happiness- and developing love and relationships in general is a vital part to that happiness.
So here we go.
I recently read an article over at a blog called “Happiness in this World” where the author was talking about Eliminating the “Good Guy Contract”. Now for those of you who aren’t familiar with “The Good Guy”, let’s just say that this type of person is generally the type that goes out of his or her way to befriend people, just because they want to be liked. Many times they don’t care who they’re friending, just so they have someone that “appreciates” them. Now, I completely understand why someone could be like that. For the most part, society forces many of us to think that we need to be approved by people in life to be socially viable. The more people that like us, the better off we are… right?
Wrong. So so so wrong. The problem with this view is that those who are typically considered a “Good Guy” have a low self image. They care so much about what other people think about them that they don’t know what they want for themselves. Therefore they never make a values list and many times they end up negatively affecting one group of people that they want to be a part of while being nice to another group.
Good Guys (also known as “Nice Guys” in Romance and Pickup Artist (PUA) circles) are wishy washy to say the least. Think of it for a second – how many politicians do you know that flop from one side of an issue to another side just based on who they’re talking to? How many people in general do you know like that? These people are people pleasers (just as the article said) and probably a Good Guy!
To be successful with relationships and to be an effective leader, people need to know where you stand. You need to make standards for yourself and for others. Otherwise, in the end, you’re going to lose. If you feel that you’re being tugged from one feeling to another just because you’re trying to please everyone, maybe you’re guilty of being a “Good Guy”.
“If you’re a chronic People Pleaser who can’t stand to disappoint others when disappointing them is appropriate, then you have a great opportunity to become happier.” To become less of a good guy, practice disappointing people when it’s needed. Draw that line in the sand. But don’t do it so much that you are seen as a bad person. If you can balance it appropriately and let your feelings and boundaries be known before the fact, then ultimately you will be respected.
So what do you think? What are your experiences with “Good Guys”? If you’ve been a Good Guy in the past, how did you overcome it?