Because not everyone has the same Love Language!

important life lessons

5 Important Life Lessons I Learned from My Dogs

Back in February I wrote about the loss of my dog, Sadie. She was so cool and VERY laid back about things in general. Other than me needing to feed her, she was a pretty independent (and stubborn!) girl.

That was in stark contrast to my other girl, Sable.

Sable has always been high maintenance. Maria would said say she was spoiled as a puppy.

There was good reason for this… and it all started the first night I had her back at Purdue.

That night, she wouldn’t stop whining when everyone went to bed. Of course, it might have had something to do with the fact that we put her in the back room away from everyone.

I tried so hard to keep her out there. But she was so persistent! Eventually I caved in and brought her into my room. It wasn’t long after that she learned she could get practically anything she wanted by asking for it. Including sleeping on my bed!!

From that point, she became one of the most vocal dogs I’ve ever known.

 

Almost two weeks ago, on Thursday June 21st, I had to let her cross the Rainbow Bridge.

Like her sister, she had been fighting cancer for a long time. While it wasn’t until recently we found out that it was lung cancer, we did know she had developed it because she started having seizures in late 2017.

She was having a heck of a time that last week and it was so hard to make that decision as it hadn’t been that long since I lost Sadie. However, anything that the veterinarians could do was a Hail Mary at that point.

I knew I had to make the call. I never had it in me to see her suffer – even as a pup.

So she’s now with her sister at Mom’s dog park in the sky.

Love you and miss you both, Girly Girls.

important life lessons

Princess Sadie and Duchess Sable – My Girly Girls

Traveling – A Great Time to Reflect

The next day, I had to hop on a flight to San Diego to meet up with Maria in the El Centro / Mexicali area. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of weeks – so it was certainly something to look forward to.

As I was traveling down there and back, I had time to think about how I was going to memorialize Sable’s passing.

With Sadie, I wrote about the grieving process. In there, you’ll see that my grieving process includes being creative in some way as a tribute.

For this tribute, I’m going to share some things I picked up from the two of them over the years.

 

Persistence Pays Off

As I’ve mentioned, Sable had a way of getting what she wanted. Not only did she start barking at someone if she wanted something bad enough, but she’d always outsmart her sister when Sadie was chewing or playing with something.

The biggest power move she had in this situation was when she acted as if she didn’t want Sadie’s toy. She’d walk over to someone for a butt scratch. When she got it, Sadie noticed and came over too (she was a butt scratch addict!!). Right away, Sable would run over to whatever Sadie had been working on and wouldn’t give it back!

They taught me that if you want something, just become the squeaky wheel!

Forgiveness and Living in the Moment

For the longest time, I had problems forgiving people. I took a lot of hurt around with me wherever I went.

When I went to Purdue, I wanted to become a new version of myself. However, my old habits kept me in a mental jail cell which prevented me from fully experiencing life at another level. It wasn’t really until my mom passed in 2010, that I started becoming my current self. It was then that I realized you have to live your own life – despite what you might perceive others expect of you. That was something she hadn’t done. She lived in her own mental prison herself, and most of it was self inflicted.

When I was suddenly in charge of both girls, I noticed that despite all the change that was going on, they were content and happy. They lived in the moment. They weren’t concerned with what people thought of them. And they didn’t hold aggressions with neighbors who yelled at them for being on their property.

My girls were just themselves. They taught me to just be me.

 

It’s Going to Be Okay

When I was going through that transition period between losing Mom in 2010 and marrying Maria in 2013, I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I grew up. On one hand, I felt that I had to live the life I went to school for. On the other hand, I realized that most of the time I was in school, I was simply doing what was expected of me.

I was expected to have a successful career.

And to be frank, I had no feeling of what success meant. The only things I had success in I had help achieving – I had guidance. I was now in the real world… and struggling!

But whenever I was with them after getting home from a long day of work – I was at piece. As long as I lived day to day and not sweat the details, things were going to work out.

It’s truly amazing what happens when you have this perspective.

Things will work out. Maybe not the way you plan for in the beginning – but they work out.

 

Take Time for Daily Exercise

One of the things that the girls wouldn’t let me forget about, especially between 2010 and 2016 was that they needed their daily walks. During those years in particular, we’d walk in the heat and cold. They didn’t care. Between 3 to 5 pm, they’d expect their walk.

Especially Sable. She was always on a mission to get to where we were going. She barely stopped to smell scents!

While I might not have been ready to take a break yet, it was during these walks that I was able to just think about things. I’d come back even more focused to wrap up the day on a good note.

I need to start getting Max on that same schedule. Unfortunately, we’ve had a pretty hot summer and he has had very little interest in being outside for long!

 

Pay Attention to Those You Love

My last Labrador, Shadow, passed when she was 10 years old. Like Sable and Sadie, she had developed cancer. Her mass was on her shoulder and it was super unbearable. In fact, she was in so much pain that she wouldn’t even try to move to go outside.

Knowing their life expectancy was around that 10 year mark, I started paying attention to them when they got to be about 8 and 9 years old. Often, I’d wake up in the middle of the night in a panic, wondering if they were still with us.

Thankfully, they were.

In retrospect, I think because of this fear and appreciating them as they ran to the door each day as I got home, I had a lot of good quality time with them. That’s actually a comfort for me now as I grieve.

In a time when we’re all glued to our digital devices or work, it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to spend this time with our loved ones.

Take the time to appreciate your close ones on a regular basis. You never know when the last time will be.

 

Action Steps

Nothing really deep here, guys. If you have doggos yourself, give them an extra strong hug for me when you see them next. Appreciate them.

For those of you who might have recently lost your own furry friends, is there anything they taught you?

Feel free to share below.

surround yourself with good people

Finding Your Success Board – Why It’s Necessary to Surround Yourself with Good People

Have you ever thought back to a time where you met someone super intriguing? Someone who simply made you feel better about the world? And all you had to do was be near them? Maybe you met them when you were in school and they gave you a certain attention that others didn’t? Perhaps it was a colleague you gave you some career guidance?

Hopefully, you’ve lucked into one of these people in some way in your life.

They’re a complete joy to be with.

 

John Maxwell says that people are like elevators. Some bring you up, and others bring you down.

Personally, I’m all about spending time with people who bring me up. In fact, I try to have a core group of around 5 people in which I bounce ideas and concerns off of on a regular basis.

Why 5? Because Jim Rohn once said that you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

If you’re looking to get somewhere in life or with your business, you need to make sure that those people are people YOU’VE chosen and are not placed there randomly by the universe.

 

YOU have to seek these people out.

So here’s the question – how do you find these people? Well, here’s a few ideas to help you start a process to find these right folks.

 

Define Your Influencers

Here’s the thing. The 5 people on your Success Board – your Influencers – they need to be sought after and chosen by you. Your immediate family members don’t really count because they’re family and you’re stuck with them. There might be some bias there and there’s a good chance they might not have the life that you’re looking to have someday.

So who does that leave? You’d think the rest of the world, but that’s simply not the case. I wish it was as simple as that!

No, what you and I both have to do is have a way of sorting out the folks that we want in our life. We want to find those that take us up, not down.

How do you do that?

By defining a list of characteristics that you want in those people!

If you take the time to define the vision and the attributes of your inner circle, you could discover those folks who embody those attributes are probably not far away from where you’re at today.

When it comes to those that I surround myself with, here’s a list of characteristics that I thought was important.

 

Authentic

No one wins when people try to be someone they’re not. Not the person themselves, and certainly not those that think they’re that certain kind of person. Who you are professionally should be a better representation of who you are, but not completely alien.

 

Intelligent

For me, up til grad school, I knew I always wanted to be around people who had completed their bachelors. The reason I believed I wanted this in my friends and spouse was because for the longest time, academic achievement was how I measured intelligence. (Unfortunately, that’s how it is in most of the world yet today!)

However, when I did get into grad school, I had many huge revelations. One was realizing that there are people who have degrees that aren’t that intelligent (they do whatever they’re told). There’s also those that don’t have degrees who have been super successful in life.

So how do you recognize intelligence? It’s simple. Look for thinkers, dreamers, and people who want to do great things.

 

Creative

There’s a lot of problems in the world that need to be fixed. We need more people who want to fix those issues themselves or be part of a group that’s making great change. Personally, I don’t have time for people who think “someone should do something about that…”. Do you?

 

Growth Mentality

It’s been said that if you’re not growing, you’re dying. Or, if you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward. Either way you look at it, to move forward you have to grow. And to grow, you have to learn.

When searching for people to be part of my Success Board, I like to find out what they are currently learning about. If they’re not learning about something or aren’t readily willing to share what they’ve learned, they might not be the best folks to work with.

I also like to look for people who aren’t happy with where they’re at in life and are actively trying to be more, earn more, and help more.

 

Aware of Meaningful Current Events

I don’t understand people who live vicariously through others. Watching reality shows has never really been of interest to me. Why? Because I feel that it’s not fair for someone to devote their emotions to an event that doesn’t affect them one way or the other.

When I was younger, I did this way too often. Heck, I’d have a bad week when the Colts lost – but if they won, it’d be a great week! (And of course, those were the weeks where I’d wear a jersey with pride!)

A lot of my friends were the same way about their favorite NFL teams.

However, when they finally won the Super Bowl back in 2007, it got me thinking: how did this affect me personally?

The best response that I came up with was “Well, I guess I can tell future generations that ‘I was there.’” When in reality, I saw it on TV.

Today, anyone can watch that same game on YouTube. It’s not that big of a deal.

What’s going on with the Kardashians or the Royal Family? Who cares? How does watching their life help yours?

What’s going on with your family or the people around you who you care about? What can affect those people? That’s what really matters.

And just for clarity, I’m not saying that you and the folks you surround yourself with should not pay attention to pop culture at all. What I am saying is that we all need to find the things that are interesting to the REAL us. If you’re a bit dorky like I am, then enjoy your Sci-Fi. But ask yourself why you liked that series or movie. Was it worth the time you put into it?

Are you really into music? Why are you into that particular song or group?

These aren’t just questions we should be asking ourselves, but also those who we surround ourselves with.

 

Sense of Humor

One thing that irritates the heck out of me is when folks are constantly promoting a politically correct agenda. If you want to be, that’s great. If you want to be the next Donald Trump, I’m for that too.

But sometimes, you need to look around and see things for what they are and have a chuckle. While I might not have had the same views as George Carlin on a lot of things, I did appreciate his genius in finding the humor in just about everything. And when he did, there was always a bit of truth to it.

There’s a place and time where humor is needed. Heck, even Avengers: Infinity Wars used it for plot gaps!

 

Civilized

As much as I hate to admit that I have certain standards, I do.

I like being a person of the people. I believe that everyone has potential. It’s just that they have to see it in themselves before they can act on it.

So sometimes, I find myself interacting with people who others might think are a bit shady on the surface. But the truth is that if I see they’re trying to be better (see above), then I’ll help them along the way.

However, if they’re not interested in improving themselves, are vulgar for no reason, and just down right crude – I’ll typically not be interested in spending time with that person.

Same thing could be said about how they achieve what they want in life. Are they grateful for what they have or are they trying to knock everyone else down?

Even taking care of themselves. Do they practice good hygiene regularly or only when they have to?

If you have certain standards, why surround yourself with people who don’t? They could easily become a distraction or even worse, a downer!

 

Action Steps

So the above traits are a few simple examples of traits that people in my Success Board have. You might have a longer list than the one above – which is just fine.

In fact, using a list like this can be a great way of finding a future spouse. (It’s how I realized Maria as wife material! However that list was much longer as it was more of an itemized list.)

The sooner you have a list like this, the sooner your subconscious will start seeing disconnects with those who are bringing you down but you just weren’t aware of.

Are you thinking of adding any other traits to your list? Maybe you have already. I’d love to hear your thoughts below!

relationship building

Making Winning Connections: Relationship Building Tips for Life and Business

As the Junto is starting to grow, I realize that there’s going to be more and more opportunities for people to connect with others who are seemingly going the same direction as they are.

To make sure they are, here’s a few notes from a recent John Maxwell course called the Mentor’s Guide to Relationships. I hope you can use the information presented here to make sure that a pursuing a certain relationship is worth your time.

At the very least, I want to help you realize if you’re in a one way relationship. One that you might be putting way too much energy in yourself and not getting anything back from it.

So let’s start off by looking at the four different levels of relationships.

 

Four Levels of Relationships

Surface Relationships

Now, when you’re on social media (or anywhere else for that matter) and you’re just meeting someone – you’re engaging in the most basic and common form of a relationship. A surface relationship is one where there’s really no strong commitment from either person and it’s a very passive interaction.

An example of a surface level relationship is just randomly adding a “friend” on Facebook and they in turn accepting that request. You might have just added them to your friends list because they have a lot of mutual friends – even though you don’t really know who they are.

Acquaintances would be part of this this level.

Just remember, all real friends start off as strangers at one point. So, just give it some time if you want things to grow…

 

Structured Relationships

The next level of a relationship is what’s called the structured relationship. These relationships are with people who meet at certain times. This can mean daily, weekly, or monthly.

Generally speaking this type of routine based engagement is centered around some sort of interest or activity such as an Meetup. In the online business world, it might mean a mastermind group. Or in the typical offline world, it can mean a group of students.

Outside of that group, there’s not much meaning for those people to interact – so they don’t.

 

Secure Relationships

The next level of relationships are those that when members of a structured relationships start appreciating the bond.

At this level, trust begins to form as the need to spend more time together grows. Most of the time, these folks will have no problems sharing with each other. And there’s a bit of a comfort zone feeling with these folks.

When you were going to school, these were the study friends. Perhaps they were the friends  that you hung out with before games. Or maybe they were your fellow band friends who you’d play euchre with each day. But the main thing was that these folks started relying on you as you relied on them.

In business, this might be someone that you decide to joint venture with on a particular project such as a course or new podcast.

 

Solid Relationships

Next up, we have the highest of all relationships – the solid relationship. At this level, not only do full trust and confidentiality exist, but there is a need to give back to the other party if they’ve helped you in some way.

Of course, this is the basis for a long term relationship.

If we were to think of the school analogy, your close friends were (or are still) examples of this! While, in the business world, you’d start new businesses with these folks.

 

Avoid High Maintenance Relationships

When I first started dating Maria I had a very strong feeling of “normality” when we were together. She felt like someone that I had known for a long time.

Society suggests – especially TV – that a normal romantic relationship is something that has a lot of maintenance to it. Drama and fighting is to be expected – not calmly discussing the issues at hand.

The truth is that this shouldn’t be the case in ANY relationship you want to make long term – including romantic relationships!

So how do you know if you’re in a high maintenance relationship?

In his book, High Maintenance Relationships, author Les Parrott talks about 12 different types of people who it would be hard to get along with – especially over a significant amount of time.

  • Critic – constantly complains and gives unwanted advice.
  • Martyr – forever the victim and wracked with self-pity.
  • Wet Blanket – pessimistic and automatically negative.
  • Steam Roller – blindly insensitive to others.
  • Gossip – spreads rumors and leaks secrets.
  • Control Freak – unable to let go and let be.
  • Backstabber – irrepressibly two-faced.
  • Cold Shoulder – disengages and avoids contact.
  • Green Eyed Monster – seethes with envy.
  • Volcano – builds steam and is ready to erupt.
  • Sponge – constantly in need but gives nothing back.
  • Competitor – keeps track of tit for tat.

 

Are you with one of these types of individuals? If so, you might want to move on.

If you wouldn’t be in romantic relationships with someone with one or several of these particular traits, why would you want to be in business with them… or visa versa?

Going from Surface to Solid Relationships

In the past week, I’ve relearned how awkward people can be when it comes to developing real relationships. Whether it’s simple friendships, jv partnerships, or going after a life partner… the goal is to not be a weirdo.

Believe me, I learnt the hard way!

So how do you go from adding a friend on Facebook to making them a good friend, business partner, or building something that could be even more?

Here’s 5 traits of a solid relationship.

 

Mutual Enjoyment

Here’s the truth. Spend time with people who enjoy your presence. If you feel that you’re having to pry and overly try with the relationship, it’s probably not a good foundation and you should move on.

Don’t be an irritant!

 

Respect

What’s the best way to make sure you’re not an irritant?

Be respectful of the other person.

Forget the golden rule of treating people how you’d want to be treated. Instead, treat people like they would like to be treated.

What’s that mean?

Learn how they want to be interpreted. Find out their story. Be curious and let them be the storyteller. Find out where they went to school and for what. If they didn’t go to school, find out what they’ve learned “the hard way”.

If you’re unclear as to how to read a certain topic with them – don’t feel like you have to assume something – this usually works out negatively if you do. No question is dumb. Just say “I’m not sure how to ask this but…” if you’re completely unsure how to ask something.

Have a problem with them? Let them know. Likewise, if they feel like they have a problem with you, they should come to you about it.

Make a point to get to know someone, but not for manipulative purposes. If they tell you something that’s a secret, don’t tell anyone. If they are hesitant in a certain area, learn how to help bring out the best in them through their own permission.

 

Mutual Shared Experiences

There’s a reason why military veterans get along as well as they do even if they didn’t know each other prior to them first getting together.

What’s the reason?

They have shared similar experiences.

From day 1, they’re taught to trust each other to be part of a larger organism. When you count on someone to do a certain action which allows you to do your job, then you’re going to care about that other person more. Cause if they get taken out, then you won’t be able to do what you need to do properly.

Sports players are the same way.

When talking about developing a winning football team, Vince Lombardi said, “The difference between mediocrity and greatness is the feeling these guys have for each other.”

It makes sense. If the line doesn’t do their job and block, then the ball handlers can’t do their jobs. The result is that the ball doesn’t go anywhere.

 

Reciprocity

For the above teams to win, that caring feeling needs to be mutual between teammates – whether on a battlefield with bullets… or on the gridiron.

Right here is how you can tell if a relationship is worth your time to develop. If you feel like everything is running smoothly, then everything is fine.

However, if you feel that the other person is getting a better deal, bring it up with them. If they don’t acknowledge it, then it might be time to move onto another relationship.

If you feel like you’re getting a better deal, then it’s your job to make sure that they’re being evenly compensated.

 

Trust

Trust comes over time and is the result of the previous 4 traits humming along just fine. Don’t forget that intentions don’t really matter when it comes to other people.

It’s all about actions.

When your actions match your words, that’s how you build trust.

Just make sure that those actions are positive and truly helpful to the other party!

 

Action Steps

As you might have realize, relationships are something that I take seriously. There was a time when I wasn’t super great at them – so I made it a point to go out of my way to learn about them. If you want to learn more about building great relationships, I’d check out the book by John Maxwell and Les Parrott 25 Ways to Win with People: How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks

As you probably know, I’m a big fan of John’s and he has ton’s on this topic!

reading body language

Lisa Mitchell – Becoming Aware of Your Body Posture: Why Reading Body Language and Giving the Right First Impression are Vital to Success (AoL 105)

Whether you’re on a phone, in person, or standing on stage – communication is king. In general, when you think about the word communication, your first thought probably is a vision of someone talking.

I know that’s the case for me.

However, during the time when we’re talking or simply standing still, our body is actually speaking for us as well. In fact, non-verbal communication is often what truly conveys our message more so than our actual words!

In today’s chat with Lisa Mitchell, we find out more about non-verbal communication and how it affects our daily lives as well as our businesses. We also get into why authenticity is so important in today’s world, and we even get into why body language needs to be part of the next generation of online dating.

 

SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:

  • Why did Lisa leave behind a career as a coffee house owner to pursue her current career? 10:03
  • Why was the underlying reason she struggled with her first business? 14:47
  • What was her “aha moment” when she realized that she wanted to help people communicate better? 18:56
  • What are some ways that a person can manage their first impression a bit more? 26:41
  • What are the three parts of nonverbal communication? 31:31
  • Why does Lisa believe that the market demands authenticity from their experts? 36:32
  • When it comes to body language, how does being aware of your decoding process help? 39:36
  • What are some of the common conflicts and trends Lisa has seen between Millennials and Corporate? 46:41
  • What got her started helping people in romantic relationships as well? 51:17
  • How are some common problems that young professionals have when it comes to dating? 57:08
  • What does Lisa think the next big thing in online dating is? 1:01:13
  • How can someone plan for a good first impression? 1:04:06
  • What does Lisa have coming up to look forward to? 1:06:07
  • Who are three influencers that has helped her get to where she is today? 1:07:53
  • What’s here least favorite social custom? 1:12:12
  • What kind of advice does she hear parents giving kids that she’d call BS on? 1:14:25
  • How can someone be a difference maker in their community? 1:18:01
  • … and MUCH more!

Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer.

ITEMS and PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

SHOW NOTE EXTRAS:

Be a human lie detector:

Own the Room (pt1):

Own the Room (pt2):

Avoid the Question Inflection (Don’t be a valley girl!):

What does LeBron’s post-shot behavior mean?:

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post.

Also, please leave an honest review for The AoL Podcast on iTunes! Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.

If you have any questions feel free to email them over via the email mentioned in the show or by our contact form.

And finally, don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunesStitcherSoundcloud, and/or Google Play Music. It’s absolutely free to do so.

A huge thank-you to you guys for joining us!

Cheers!

peaks and valleys

Danielle Watson: Navigating the Peaks and Valleys of Success in Business and Life (AoL 058)

Overwhelmed. Lethargic. Swamped. Lost. This is what we can feel like in the valleys of our work and our lives. You…

– think you’re the only one who cares.
– feel that you’re the only who gets stuff done on your team (if you’re lucky enough to have one).
– get lost in the fog of un-motivation. (Or is it “de-motivation”?)
– start wondering “what if I’m doing it all wrong?”.

No matter the success level, at one point or another all creative entrepreneurs go through this funk.

It comes with the territory – just like crazy success.

Today’s guest, Danielle Watson, knows all about the highs and the lows – the peaks and the valleys.

From being on all types of media platforms talking about her Purse Process, to having to do a TEDx presentation during one of the most dramatic periods of her life. She’s gone through it.

In this interview, Laila and I get the chance to ask her why she chose the major she did as a self professed girly-girl, how she stumbled upon the Purse Process, and more about what all happened during the time she was preparing for her TEDx talk.

Enjoy!

SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:

  • Why did she pick a degree in anthropology? 11:27
  • Would she go through her schooling all over again? 14:54
  • What advice Danielle would give someone who’s just going into college 16:39
  • How did she feel that she didn’t fit the mold of her peers in college. 20:34
  • Did she ever use her degree as most people would out of school? 22:14
  • How did she find out that she could add value to others using her anthropological skills? 24:39
  • What your purse can tell you about your personality. 32:06
  • How Danielle got into doing a TEDx presentation. 35:57
  • Why she had a very bumpy road in preparing for it. 39:42
  • What direction she’s going after her TEDx experience. 46:59
  • What are 3 of her favorite podcasts? 55:58
  • What’s the secret to achieving personal freedom? 57:28
  • Something she believed as a 35 year old but doesn’t believe now? 57:55
  • One thing under $100 that has changed Danielle’s life? 58:21
  • If someone was trying to put their knowledge to use in a new business, how could they do that? 1:00:08
  • … and MUCH more!

Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer.

ITEMS and PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

SHOW NOTE EXTRAS:

Danielle’s TEDx talk:

Danielle’s interview with Mimika Cooney:

Sample of her Facebook Live show:

Danielle on Entrepreneur on Fire Podcast:


Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post.

Also, please leave an honest review for The AoL Podcast on iTunes! Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.

If you have any questions feel free to email them over via the email mentioned in the show or by our contact form.

And finally, don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunesStitcherSoundcloud, and/or Google Play Music. It’s absolutely free to do so.

A huge thank-you to you guys for joining us!

Cheers!

 

Dating for Alpha Women

AoL 040: Understanding Alpha Women and Maintaining High Creative Performance with Moe DeCarlo

Everyone has heard of the phrase Alpha Male. If you remember, they’re the type of guy who is normally thought of as a natural athlete and/or have everything going right in life, or just have many women around them at a given time. They’re a natural leader.

Have you ever heard of the phrase Alpha Female? There’s a good chance that you’ve heard that phrase too. When you think of the phrase, what kind of women come to mind? For me, I think of women in business, government, entertainment, and the military. All of them are leaders of some sort. And most of them probably don’t have time to be the center of a traditional family that society teaches us is the norm.

Personally, I’m married to an Alpha Female. I’m always joking with her that she’s 52% girl, 48% guy. Otherwise I don’t think she’d be able to have done as well in the military career as she has. Perhaps growing up with two brothers helps. But for the most part, I can joke with her like I joke with most guys – which is actually awesome. And for me, that’s normal.

Today’s guest, I imagine has married an Alpha Female as well. In fact, as he explains in the interview, he grew up with mainly women in his house. This forced him to learn how to think like the women in his life.

Today, Moe DeCarlo uses this power of his to be a translator for women and gets paid to do so as a woman’s social coach.

In this session, we’ll be talking about what got him into coaching in the first place, how he keeps up with all the work he does, and what he got out of his recent time at this past April’s Experts Academy.

If you feel like you have this special trait, or something similar, and not sure how to use it, perhaps Moe can help you learn how to utilize those skills in a way that you never thought you could!

SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:

  • How Moe schedules his days and weeks to be masterful. 8:06
  • How Moe sees himself as a coach in relationships. 10:01
  • How Moe compares himself to Steve Harvey. 11:00
  • Why he works with women more so than he works with men. 12:28
  • 3 Ways that men and women are different. 15:10
  • When Moe realized he could be a Women’s Social Coach as a full time career. 20:01
  • Resources that Moe has used in getting better at coaching. 24:23
  • How he was able to secure his first paying client. 26:57
  • What Moe would have done differently as he was building his business. 30:45
  • What Moe believes will sap your energy quickly if you’re not careful. 35:19
  • How Moe gets past the societal label of a Player when it comes to him doing his work. 38:43
  • Why it’s important to start your business with boundaries and how you let others know that you have them. 43:09
  • Why Moe decided to go to Expert’s Academy vs buying a lease expensive online training. 46:33
  • Why he believes that the biggest take away that he got from the event was the new connection with other people. 49:28
  • Why you should market to aspirations, not demographics. 51:19
  • What Expert Academy helped him realize he should change in his future business. 56:12
  • 3 Life Truths He’d Want People to Know 1:02:12
  • 3 Favorite Teachers or Influencers 1:04:40
  • What Would He Tell the 20 Year Old Version of Himself 1:06:10

Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer.

ITEMS and PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

SHOW NOTE EXTRAS:

How to pick Alpha Girls out:

Dr. Gaby Cora’s TEDx Presentation on Alpha Women:

Finding out if you’re an Alpha Women through Astrology:

An example of what I imagine Moe does with his clients:

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!

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Cheers!

Labeling Business Accomplishment: Find Your Place, Your Peers, and GROW Faster!

With all the business training going around these days and the interaction of people at all levels of business, many business trainers have tried to label where people are by using a scale or other descriptive words to illustrate where people might be on the entrepreneurial path.

In Fizzle, for example, they have a roadmap to developing one’s business that contains three distinct phases that I chatted briefly about in this post few weeks ago. These 3 phases describe those who are starting their business:

  • Phase 1: Clarity stage (Figuring out what you want to do.)
  • Phase 2: Building Your Business (Building it enough that it replaces your day job financially).
  • Phase 3: Scaling (Fine tuning, adding paid team members, and growing larger than what you could do on your own)

 

While these three phases work out really well for Fizzle because they’re all about getting us from nothing to something, I believe it’s 3/4’s of the full story. Plus, as for the overall business world, there should be a description to describe those who have reached a high level of their own growth and are strictly focused on helping others grow. John Maxwell would call these Level 5 Leaders. Some of those folks might include serial entrepreneurs, gurus, angel investors, philanthropists, and advisors. Again, think more like Tim Ferriss, Pat Flynn, Gary Vee, on to someone like Oprah.

Essentially, people that wouldn’t be using Fizzle because they would have outgrown it.

For about a month, I’ve been trying to come up with a more generic ranking in helping people quickly understand where people are in the business world.

Finding the Solution

In a recent poll that I conducted on Facebook, I asked the members of a group where they fell in building their business. I wanted to find out where people were so that we could find out the makings of the group. This would lead us to reach out to those that were in similar levels and also figure out who we could reach up to for help.

 

Here was that poll:

business building

Where do you fall?

Besides the fact that I realized that I apparently don’t know how to use the alphabet (what happened to g and h?), I found out that all of these levels were being used to describe where people were in the group. Many were new and hadn’t started even building a platform (groups a and b), while a few were starting their business and had some success (groups c and d). Yet, others were having more success and scaling (groups e and f). Even more interesting, is that there are folks in the group that have had more than just success with online business, they’ve started a few businesses online and could be straight up veterans. It’s really hard to tell why those people are in the group. Networking? Sure.

Now, as far as the first three segments – I think you can describe those as the Clarity, Building, and Scaling segments from Fizzle. But what about that 4th group? I had to figure out something that could describe all 4 groups. And that’s when it hit me.

Why not use the labels that we’re all so familiar with when it comes to accomplishment in the scholastic world? I mean, it makes sense.

Let’s Look at Some Definitions:

Why does it make sense to use these terms that a lot of us might want to forget? Well it’s because they actually have appropriate meaning! Check this out:

The term Freshman dates back to the mid-16th century where it has invariably meant either “newcomer” or “novice.”

Sophomore is derived from two Greek terms, sophos, meaning “wise,” and moros, meaning “foolish” or “dull”. Meaning that the term Sophomore originally probably meant a wise moron! (I would definitely say I fit this rank right now. I know a lot of stuff, but I’m not exactly sure when to use it all!)

Junior simply means the younger of two. This is defined in relations to their more learned upperclassmen. Early on, juniors were called “Junior Soph,” and seniors were denoted with “Sophester”.

Senior has been used since the mid-14th century in English to denote either an older person or one of authority.

Cool, huh? Easily fits the different groups of folks in the group!

Check this Out

So here’s something else that I realized. When it comes to business, most people when they jump from one business to another have to start over again. As upcoming podcast guest Theresa French said in her interview, “going from one business to another type of business is just as hard as going from working a job to a business”. So, if that’s the case (which I’m pretty sure it is), then that would mean that those that start something new, are freshman again. (Makes sense, this is how college works.)

However, because they’ve already gotten their feet wet in business, I’d think that it’d be more suiting to call them sophomores again. They have skills, they just don’t know how exactly to apply them yet.

Grow Faster by Working with your Classmates!

Ok, so now that you’re familiar with these terms, why is it important? Because, it’s almost ALWAYS something that industries do – come up with their own words to describe something that might be complex to others outside of that industry.

Just like academia, the rules of business stay the same. What changes is the knowledge used for a particular business and how we execute in our industry. The catch is, as solopreneurs, we all have varying degrees in how well we’re doing both.

Typically speaking, the more experience we have, the more we’ll know how to wield both knowledge and execution. Labeling these levels of experience helps us determine whether we’ll be using our time effectively with the other person.

Freshman always want to learn from upperclassmen. However, working with seniors all the time might not be the best thing for them.

While it’s good for both parties to be around each other from time to time to expand each other’s point of view, there is a ton of work between a freshman and a senior. Just like in high school and college, the freshman gets frustrated that they can’t keep up and the senior gets frustrated when the freshman just doesn’t get it.

We have to learn from the upperclassmen, but practice with those who are our peers.

Action Steps

So this is a fairly simple activity. Figure out which level you’re at and connect with those that are close to you in experience. Perhaps even start a “study group” (aka mastermind) with them! (Just like when you’re studying, you’ll learn things much quicker from different perspectives than if you were to just go it alone.)

Are you a freshman? A sophomore? Maybe even a junior? Who are the seniors in your life? Are you learning from their path of success and how to apply things they’ve learned on your own journey?

Have you made already made a mastermind of peers that you can grow together with? If you have, that’s great! You know that iron sharpens iron. If you haven’t, think about who you’d want in that group. Freshman don’t tend to care who they study with, however, it might be best to start out with other freshmen or sophomores. Anything higher and you might find yourself drinking from a fire hose.

As a sophomore, a junior, or even a senior, you have to be picky not to get too many lowerclassmen in your group. Otherwise it doesn’t do YOU any good! Don’t let your niceness weigh you down. You’re not doing them or yourself any favors!