Tribute to Scott Dinsmore: Making Life Decisions with Your Dreams in Mind

“It’s insecurity that is always chasing you and standing in the way of your dreams.” – Vin Diesel

I heard the news last Tuesday night about Scott Dinsmore’s passing after I had published the last post. If you didn’t know who Scott was and what he was about, then you need to watch the above video just to get a glimpse into how he lead his life. Talk about passion.

There are many tribute pieces to him around the web from some of his closest friends.

So I’ll let them speak about what he personally meant to them:

Personally, I didn’t know Scott too much. I’ve learned more about him after his passing than I did when he was still around. I feel it is extremely unfortunate. I feel as if I have lost a friend that I didn’t get to know because we had such a similar passion in helping others release their inner passions.

I was going through his posts to get more of a feel for the guy. And I have to admit that this recent one struck me in particular:

How to Avoid Making the Wrong Big Decisions (like choosing the wrong path).

When it came to making big life decisions, he didn’t believe that you had to jump completely in. In fact, he believed that we should simply test the waters before we go all into big life decisions.

I couldn’t agree more.

Yet, some of us will find fault with even doing just that much. We might have chosen a path because that’s what we felt was ultimately the best choice based on personal bias and beliefs. Does that make it truly the best one for us?

The truth is while we want to choose the right path for us, we all have personal biases that will make it easier to stay on the path we are currently on. Many times that “auto-path” is dictated by external forces which don’t know or care about the life we’re trying to lead.

“If we don’t know what we’re looking for, we’re never going to find it.” – Scott Dinsmore

Seeing Life Decisions From Different Angles

We all know that sometimes we don’t feel like we’re free to just “do our own thing”. Especially when it comes to making decisions regarding our careers.

In fact, here are some thoughts you might be having which prohibit you from following your dreams:

  • I’m sacrificing my dreams so my kids don’t have to.
  • I’m doing this because it was what my parents always wanted to do, but didn’t get the chance to.
  • I chose this career, and damn it, hell or high water, I’m going to make it work!
  • I don’t want to waste MORE time getting ANOTHER degree!

Do any of these sound familiar? I know that I have several friends that subscribe to the first one. I know a few who claim the second. And I was definitely a candidate for the third and fourth reasons myself.

Are these actually true? Or are these self imposed restraints and beliefs that we’ve placed to protect ourselves from potential future “failures”? Where did we get these ideas? Were they from us or others?

To find out the best path in life for you, you need to be able to see the problem from multiple angles and even more specifically, how does it affect your overall life goals? Each one of the above statements could be reframed as a question in regards to your personal goals.

  • If I want to be a good role model for my kids, how is not following my dreams being a good example?
  • Is the world the same as it was when my parents wanted to have that role? Even so, why should I let them dictate what I do?
  • Am I letting my pride and ego get the best of me? Why can’t I be the next great story of someone making a big transition?
  • What if you’re wasting more time (and money) by not following your true gifts? Also, who said anything about getting another degree?

However, if you don’t know what you want out of life and your career, then you won’t ask yourself these types of questions.

With these questions asked, will you think differently about your situation? I’m sure you will. (In fact, these last two questions are what have helped set me free of my old path.)

It’s when you start asking questions like these and questioning the status quo on goals in life, whether or not your current path is working out for you or not. Don’t let your personal bias and your past dictate your future. Be open, present, and truthful with yourself when making big decisions.

Homework:

The next time you feel yourself thinking about a big life decision and coming to a conclusion, ask yourself if you looked at it from every angle you could think of in regards to it affecting your life goals.

Was it a signing up for a mini-marathon? Was it about getting more serious with your current significant other? Was it about taking a job that paid more?

Naturally, without knowing specific goals, these all seem like they would be good things in your life to do if you have the opportunity.

But that might not be the case:

If you sign up for a mini-marathon too late and unprepared, your body isn’t going to appreciate it. You just can’t wing it.

If you want to get more serious with someone you have conflicts with regularly… is that the best person you could get serious with?

If a job is going to pay more but it makes you relocate AND makes you work more hours – is that really helping you towards your goals and aspirations?

Next time you have a great opportunity, think more about how it affects the dreams that you’ve set out to achieve, and less about the immediate impact of it.

Why You Should Stop Being A Victim and Learn How to Forgive

The fact is, violence is not only not a beautiful thing, but it’s also very painful and not without consequences for the perpetrator as well as the victim.Clint Eastwood

There really is no difference between the bully and the victim.Lady Gaga

Did you know that if you hold grudges that you’re actually letting the person or people you have that grudge against win? Let’s discuss how you can stop being a victim so you can learn how to be yourself again.

The Rise of the Victimhood Culture

I was recently made aware of a post that was published last Friday (9/11/15) about The Rise of Victimhood Culture. In it, the author, Conor Friedersdorf, talks about a new scholarly paper (Microaggression and Moral Cultures, Bradley Campbell and Jason Manning) that actually identifies that a culture of victimhood is indeed on the rise – especially in college settings.

He also mentions three types of culture: honor, dignity, and victim.

Honor Culture:

These are types of culture in which people (mainly men) maintain their honor by responding to insults, slights, and violations of rights by self-help violence. “Cultures of honor tend to arise in places where legal authority is weak or non-existent, and where a reputation for toughness is perhaps the only effective deterrent against predation or attack,” write Campbell and Manning. They note that honor cultures still exist in the Arab world and among street gangs in Western societies. (Fans of Sci-Fi would know that Klingons are all about this kind of culture.)

Dignity Culture:

During the 19th century, most Western societies began the moral transition toward dignity cultures in which all citizens are legally endowed with equal rights. Dignity does not depend upon reputation but exists as unalienable rights that do not depend on what other people think of one’s bravery. Having a thick skin and shrugging off slights become virtues because they help maintain social peace. The aphorism that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” is practically the motto of dignity cultures.

Campbell and Manning add, “Insults might provoke offense, but they no longer have the same importance as a way of establishing or destroying a reputation for bravery. [Furthermore], when intolerable conflicts do arise, dignity cultures prescribe direct but non-violent actions.”

Victim Culture:

And just so we have a definition, in a victim culture individuals and groups display high sensitivity to anything that conflicts with them. When they have a conflict, they have a tendency to handle the conflict through complaints to third parties (such as cops, blogs, petitions, and the government) and seek to cultivate an image of being victims who deserve assistance.

Victim Cultures – Are They Good or Bad?

At the end of Conor’s article, he asks if Dignity Culture is better than Victim Culture. At face value, I think that it’s kind of hard to tell. If you see wrongs in the world and want to do something about them, the easiest way to do that is to play the victim. It is effective and I think that’s why so many people have started doing it.

That said, does that make it right?

If you want to correct a social imbalance perhaps at the price of your own personal freedom, it just might seem like the most effective way to do it. If that’s what you believe is right, then sure. I guess it’s right from that perspective.

However, if you’re like me, and you don’t want the outside world to define you (and you especially don’t want your personal freedoms taken), then the first thing you have to realize is that playing the victim card puts a stereotypical label on you. That label might be that you’re weak, that you’re ignorant, or you just might be Chicken Little (the sky is falling!).

This is why the Dignity Culture is called what it is. In the dignity culture’s perspective, people who cry that they are a victim lack dignity. They feel that victim’s lack self-respect and a sense of pride. To a point, this is understandable. No one likes a tattle-tale. So people who continually cry wolf are eventually going to wear out their welcome.

Not only that, but often times you can see the victim become the bully. In one instance, one group might see the first group getting preferred treatment due to their victimization. That second group might feel belittled themselves. Another instance might be that the victim now feels that they have a right to act a certain way. That if others do it to them, then they’re allowed to do it to others.

To me, I can’t say that the Dignity Culture is better than the Victim Culture. I think both have some good and negative traits to them. There are times when Whistleblowing needs to occur. In a straight Dignity Culture, it would never happen. People would be told to suck it up regardless of whatever occurred. However, if someone is repeatedly using the victim card to get things that they believed are entitled to them, they need to get a better understanding of what Rights and Privileges are.

Don’t Take Things Personal – Learn to Live through Forgiving

So how does this all relate to living a happier life and a more fulfilling career? It’s actually pretty simple.

The more things that we trust third parties to solve the less power we give ourselves. The less power we give ourselves, the less potential our life will have. Unless we expect third parties to give things to us, we must work for them ourselves.

To work for things takes energy. So does holding in negative energy towards others. The more negative energy you hold in, the more you taint yourself with that energy. In the end, negative energy consumes your true self and your true potential. Learn to forgive so you don’t let the “bad guys” win.

Homework:

Are you holding any grudges? If so, ask why you hold them. Is it from something that happened last week? Last month? Or last decade? How long is enough to punish yourself with those emotions. The longer you let other people get to you, the longer they’ve “won”.

If you’ve let go of some grudges, let us hear about them below and how you’ve felt since releasing that self-imposed stress.

How to Be More Influential By Adding Great Value to Others

“Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give.” – Dr. Ben Carson

“People don’t know how much you know until you show how much you care.” – Dr. John C. Maxwell

Two of my favorite quotes. You know that people will listen if you share knowledge that helps them. Want to go a little further and get some influence? Add some value to their lives. In today’s post, we’ll be talking about how you can be more influential with people by bringing them value.

So what did you learn from that? Hopefully you got the impression that giving value is important in sales. You say you’re not in sales? O contraire! You definitely are!

Did you know that every day people are selling themselves? Whether it’s a salesperson doing a direct sale or an engineer with a proposal for a project, or a mother trying to get her kid to eat vegetables, everyone is selling. Everyone is thinking about how they’re going to influence their audience (the customer, the client, or kid) to buy their product or services, or eat carrots.

One of the largest difference makers in making that sale is whether or not that person has influence on their audience.

As Jeffrey said, he tries to give value first… and that’s what gets you influence.

Which is much different than what a lot of people do today. Instead of looking for the win-win, they’re looking for the “how can I use this person”? The person who is looking for the win-win is looking how to give value. The second type is taking value. The first one is the influencer while the second one, I think, is the persuader… the manipulator.

Giving Value in our Daily Lives

Before we talk about giving value in our professional life, let’s just make sure we get a better idea of what giving value means for sure. Something simple. Nothing drastic.

If you were to give value in something that you’re already doing right now, how would you do that? You might be thinking that you’d have to start thinking and acting differently than you currently do. But would you really? I’m sure there’s things in your life that you’re already doing for others that give them value. For instance, while I’m the guy of the household, and traditionally men supposedly don’t cook, I know that I can bring value by being the person who cooks dinner on a regular basis.

Think about something you might be good at that you could use to benefit those around you. Believe me, it’ll help later.

Giving Value In our Careers

In the professional space, you might think that people are looking to get ahead of each other by beating each other down. By stealing ideas and contacts. It’s total competition out there – even in the same company. People are trying to beat each other for that next position. So you have to take what you can get! When the boss asks you a question, you better respond with a “Yes, sir!” response.

Right?

Wrong.

First off, that’s not a very confident mindset. People will notice that you’re afraid of the workplace if you have that kind of perspective. So let’s try to look at things from another perspective. One of collaboration.

For one, instead of using that quick to respond with definite answers, let’s try to answer questions with questions. Obviously we don’t want to make it obvious. But let’s try to dig deeper for something that will be a better solution instead of something that’s a quick fix. The more you know about a certain subject, the more thorough you can be about about your solution.

A way you can do that, for example, is enter any meeting that you have with 4 questions that you want to get answered:

What are the goals (short and long term)?

Who is the audience?

What is the capabilities of your group and/or department?

How do you measure success?

As you become a person who helps think things out (as opposed to going to the know it all quick fix), people start coming to you for help.

Another way that you can add value to people is being what’s know as The Connector (as Malcolm Gladwell calls them) or the Linchpin (as Seth Godin refers to them).

The idea of this particular person is that they’re a main hub of a certain network of people. They’re the ones who can carry out a conversation with someone from one year to next without ever acting like time has passed. Generally speaking, these people know where they met someone and what they were doing at the time.

If this sounds like you or you want to become one, I recommend reading The Tipping Point and/or Linchpin to find out more.

The third way that you can add value, or even if you’re unsure, is to ask yourself these three questions:

Is what I’m doing or the acts that I’m performing different but also includes ideas that other people from the group have thought about? (You don’t want to come off as being too maverick!)

Is this a great contribution? Is this work something I’ve strived for excellence in? (Don’t half ass your work. Remember the Agreement: Always do Your Best)

Do I really care about what I did? Did I see this in perspective of helping other people? (Again, think about the quote at the beginning of this post.)

 

Homework:

The next time you want to influence your peers, family, or audience, think about how you’re going to add value to them. What is something only you can provide to the group? A perspective? Experiences? Make sure you’re providing that information not because you want to manipulate but because you want to truly help. You’d be surprised what will happen as time goes on.

5 Surefire Ways to Improve Your Personal Strengths

 

One of the things that I believe is necessary for people to perform at a high performance level on their life journey is to become aware of what they’re naturally good at in life. I’ve mentioned several books that you can learn about this with (StrengthFinders and Standout are my top two), but this really is the beginning of your journey.

The next step of leveling up in life is working on these strengths. In the video above, John mentions that you need to focus on your strengths and not on your weaknesses. However, he doesn’t exactly say how you can do that.

Here are some strategies that I’ve used in the past which will help you improve your personal strengths.

Gain Experience

When I was a kid, one of the coolest things to look forward to during the school year was when we would go on field trips. I think as a kid, you want to go because it’s a change of scenery from the regular class room. Also, the longer it took to get to the destination, so that meant more time you had on the bus to mess around.

Those days were awesome.

Looking back, though, I think those field trips had more lasting impressions on me on what I remembered than talking about the same thing in class. Was it because of the change of the routine? Sure. Perhaps that’s what started the the vivid memories, but being fully engaged in the environment I’m sure helped as well. Whether it was a trip to the Children’s Museum in Indy to study dinosaurs, or a trip to Metamora to learn about canals and to ride a train, those were the days that very particular memories have stuck with me.

Later in college I had lab segments for many of my courses. Professors said that these sections were for hands on learning. Well, I’ll tell you, I was horrible at many of the in class activities we had. (I was so horrible in lab that I came close to failing most practicals!)

However, thinking back now I realize that if it wasn’t for the lab section of many of my undergrad courses, that I wouldn’t have done as well in the rest of the course.

In both situations, I can think back now and realize how important those times were, even though (especially in the case of the lab sections) the material stretched me a little bit. Today, I compare many of the road trips I’ve been on with my past field trips. Likewise, when it comes to doing things that I’ve never done, I can think about the labs that I was in and think “Well, I know nothing can be that bad!”.

In the end, it’s that hard earned experience that will launch you further than if you just passively heard about it. It gives you confidence that you know what’s going to come up around the bend. Having dealt with similar situations before really helps you be confident in that you can handle whatever you’re doing with ease. And it also means that you can share something with others about how it went last time.

Get Feedback

Verification is key. Just ask any comedian.

Do you know why comedians are really funny when you just hear about them and then later they’re not as much? It’s because until the point where you’ve heard them, they’ve probably been working on that same joke routine for 5 to 15 years! From small audience to larger audience, to finally getting noticed by Comedy Central and then possibly on to sitcoms – they’re working on the same material.

After the Comedy Central Special has aired or the sitcom has run its course, what happens to these successful comedians? Many would say they go underground.  It could be that, sure. Another thought is that they haven’t had time to get their new material as polished as their old stuff… or they just don’t feel the need to!

Similarly, when you’re doing an activity that utilizes your strengths, make sure you’re asking for feedback. For one, it makes you better at your strengths. And two, it might just keep you relevant to your potential audience!

Keep a Journal (Write Stuff Down)

Ok, so as you might be aware, I recently started writing down weekly plans. This has been game changing and I’ve only been doing it for a couple of weeks now. I now know why teachers have to lesson plan. It’s amazing the difference of work you can get done when you plan out when you’re going to work and get stuff down.

On top of this, I’m also keeping ideas down as part of my daily journaling. Journaling is just as important as the weekly planning because it’s really easy to later examine what you’ve already done.

Writing things down is also important because it just stares back at you. It doesn’t change. You can keep coming back to it and adding. Obviously, the opposite of that, simply speaking things and trying to remember them… is not so functional. It’s real easy to go from one idea to the next. Never really planning anything out.

Just get things recorded and you’ll later be able to act on them or make them better. (In fact, a recommendation that Pat has is using sticky notes if you’re looking to brainstorm. He does this for books.)

Participate in a Mastermind (or another type of study group)

Think tanks, masterminds, roundtables, or simply small groups – whatever you call them – can be huge. Not only do you get the benefit of immediate feedback, but you also have the benefit of multiple people contributing to making each other better. Throwing an idea out and reflecting upon it with a group is obviously going to have much better results than you just working on it yourself or with one other individual.

Follow in the Footsteps of Others

One of the sayings that I’ve heard over and over about being mentored and/or coached on a strength is that particular mentor or coach has probably seen it before. So the question is, “Do you want to find the land mines yourself or would you like to know where they are and get through the path faster?”

Personally, I’d like to know where the potential problems are going to be and learn from others about them.

To do this, you can either personally interact with someone 1on1 (probably expensive) or you can spend time reading books and online resources that they have produced. Either way, just one hour a day spent towards using these resources will help you grow a great deal. Depending on the topic, after a month or so, the results of study and fine tuning start compounding and you’ll notice a great difference.

Homework

Ever since I started on my self development path back in 2006, I’ve believed that we should focus on growing our strengths, and get help on our weaknesses. Once you figure out what your strengths are (again, I’m a Connector and a Teacher according to Standout), work on gaining experience doing those strengths, getting feedback, keeping a journal, participating in groups, and studying great resources. You’ll find that your efforts in these areas will pay great dividends in your personal growth.

If you have already started developing your strengths, I’d love to hear how you did it. Was it one of the ways above or something completely different?

Want Less Drama in Life? Stop People Pleasing!

One of the things that so many people complain about in their life is the amount of drama that is in it. And one of the biggest problems that causes this drama between us and other people is an inner feeling that we have to make everyone like us; we need to be the solution to everyone’s problems. We need to be there for people so they continue to be our friend… or just nice to us.

At first, we like this feeling with people. We all like to feel that we’re important. We like to feel that the more we help this person, the more they’ll see us as a reliable and trustworthy friend and/or more.

However, as time goes on, we might start feeling that they’re taking advantage of us. That if we don’t do what they ask, they’ll be upset and we won’t hear the end of it.

“It’s their fault that they don’t understand me! If they understood my position, they’d stop asking so much from me!” you say?

Not necessarily. As adults, being stretched thin is totally our call. More than likely, we were the one’s who said yes to helping them in the first place. They asked and we agreed.

We all have demands in life that need our attention. On one hand, some of us are just better at asking for help from others. On the other, some of us are more inclined to be the helper.

If you are that helper type who wants less drama in your life, maybe ask yourself how you can get out of your situation.

More importantly, “How do we stop people pleasing?”.

First, you need to start expressing your concerns and opinions around others by communicating more clearly.

And second, by working on yourself some so it doesn’t happen as much as in the future.

Start Being Ourselves Around Others and Communicating More Clearly

If you find out that you’re a people pleaser, you might be wondering what you can do to stop it right away. Well, that might be a little hard depending on your situation. I mean, you still more than likely want to remain friends with these people – you just want to change your relationship with them a little. So let’s look at some of the things you can do right away that will help give you some space and time to figure out the deeper issues.

Stalling  – Not exactly the best tactic as it’s not very clear per se, but I have to put it in here if you’re looking for some immediate help. You’ve probably already played dumb or said you have too much going on to deal with their request right now (…however they can call you later).  Simply remember that this tactic only gets you so far and that as soon as you say yes, you’re stuck.

Ask for What You Want –  If you’re with a group of people, just say what you want to do. You might not change anyone’s mind, but it might surprise you that some of them might have wanted to do the same thing… they were just too afraid to say anything.

Compromise – If you’re with one other person, simply go for the trade. It might be as simple as saying, “If we do this, I’d like to to this.” Don’t try and force your decision on them. Remember, you’re trying to eliminate stress here. Do it for both parties.

Set a Time Limit – Another way of getting out of doing something you don’t want to is actually agreeing, but saying you can only do it for so long. This is a form of a compromise, but instead you’re giving yourself room to part ways.

Learn How to Say No (Don’t Give Excuses) – Sometimes, none of the other tactics are going to work. Perhaps you don’t like a co-worker’s friends. Or you get stressed at certain events. You simply don’t want to do whatever is being asking of you. When this happens, you’re just going to have to grin and bare the response. Just remember to be POLITE in your response. A simple “no, thanks” typically goes far.

Do Something For Yourself – Many of us agree to do what others are doing because we don’t want to be left behind. However, it’s totally ok for you to do things on your own if you are left behind. In fact, you should learn how to embrace it! None of your friends want to go to the other movie you suggested? Check it out on your own time! Let other’s opinions be things to consider in your decision – just not the final factor.

Whichever of these that you choose, remember that in the end, no one is a mind reader. So remember that they’re not used to you actually voicing an opinion. Also, don’t expect them to suddenly start waiting for your response.

The Harder but More Rewarding Part – Working on Ourselves

Until you examine who you are and adjust, you’re still going to attract the same kind of people in your life. This is true of not only people who want to take advantage of you, but all negative people. So let’s start digging deep and start changing some things around a little bit.

Examine Your Fears – Most of the time when people are people pleasers it’s because we are afraid of the outcome of not pleasing others. In a worse case scenario, if we start expressing our needs, will others accept them? If the answer to that is no, ask yourself if they’re really worth keeping around. Are they a lifter or a weight in your life?

Recognize Your Successes (Keep a Journal!) – Another reason we are people pleasers is because we feel that going with the flow of others adds value to us. You’re totally aware of their success, but of they of yours? Remember times that you have accomplished things. Even if you don’t think they were a big deal. To someone in the world, they are. Did you learn how to finally use roller blades? Good. Got your first meaningful job? Great! Celebrate your wins no matter the size and keep a record of them so you can look back in the future if needed.

Examine Boundaries (and Create New Ones) – Treat others the way you’d like to be treated. Do you tolerate the intolerable? Or do you strive for excellence and set the bar up there for others as well? Learn how to identify and label unacceptable behavior for others. When they do it ask yourself why they’re even in your social group.

Stop Basing Your Own Worth By How Much You Do For Others – I saw a post on Facebook not too long ago that said that if the world was full of love that worth would not exist. Here’s the thing: if you hang out with people who do appreciate and respect you, you’re going to find out that you have all the worthiness you need to be successful in life. Stop

Consider the Source (Are You Being Manipulated?) – Sometimes people are just manipulators and you’ll have to learn how to sniff them out. A classic line that manipulators use is “Oh, you’re so great at XYZ! Would you help me with mine?” That doesn’t sound so bad, but on top of that they’ll try and coax you into doing something you hadn’t planned on and try to tell you what your availability AND time frame is to said job. They make the decision for you.

Run from these types of people.

Practice Successive Approximation (Create an A-Z plan and list) – Sometimes you’ll have people in your life that just can’t take the hint. You’ve tried several of the above tactics and they’re still being persistent in trying to get your attention and/or telling you how you can help them.

In this case, you’ll need a plan to get from where you currently are with this person to where you want them in your life. If they’re actions are predictable, this will be much easier to carry out.

An example might be noisy neighbors. Step 1: Just greet them. Step 2: Next time you see them, mention how noisy the neighborhood gets. Step 3: If they didn’t get the hint yet, just go knock on their door and politely ask for them to quiet it down.

Consider who you want to give your time to. – Ultimately your choice is yours to make. Do you want to spend time with someone who constantly makes you feel bad or with those who will respect and care about you?

Don’t be Scared of the Fallout – If someone in your life isn’t happy that you’re setting boundaries and starting to care about your own time and what you invest it in, perhaps you don’t need that person around. I know this is the hard part, but it isn’t your job to worry about what others think of you.

Realize You Can’t Be Everything to Everyone – Frankly, you are who you are. You have your strengths and weaknesses, as does everyone else in the world. Don’t expect to be Superman. Just realize that no one is perfect and you shouldn’t expect for yourself to be. When you have to say no, it’s ok. Just remember that you’re saving yourself in the long run by not rescuing everyone.

You only have so much time on Earth. Make a Stand. Make Your Time Your Time.

Homework

The next time you’re feeling that angry feeling towards someone “controlling” you, think about who they are. If they’re not a boss, client, or family member ask yourself if you need them in your life. Even if they are a supervisor, client, or family member, ask yourself if this constant frustration is worth your long term time and energy. If it isn’t, start looking for a new job or different clients. If it’s with a family member, figure out ways of limiting your time with them. Whatever is in your life right this instant isn’t what you’ve always had and always will have. Change is inevitable. Just become the catalyst and change it yourself.

The Bad Excuse of Perfectionism

Perfectionism: Good or Bad?

Most of my life I’ve been wanting to do something as good as I could because my name was tied to it’s quality. The better and well put together the project, the better I looked. So becoming a Perfectionist wasn’t too hard for me. In fact, for many years I thought being a perfectionist was a compliment.

However, as time went on, I came to realize that being a perfectionist was an excuse. That if you boiled it down, I wanted to be certain of getting desired outcome before even trying to make an attempt at that outcome.

One of the things that first hit me when I was in grad school was this idea that perfectionism could actually be a bad thing. That making sure that something you produced was good enough for you. That everything was perfect.

In grad school, they talked about how there were PhD candidates that would be so involved with having a perfect dissertation that they’d miss their defense date and not graduate for another semester.

That is a stark difference than what I had seen in my undergrad days or even before – when I was rushing to get things “done” and turning them in on time. It was hard for me to believe that people could miss deadlines by trying to be perfect – because wasn’t meeting that deadline part of being perfect?

Perspectives of Perfectionism

Afraid of Being Wrong

As I think back, though, I remember one time after I had taken a salsa dance lesson. I had learned a new move and wanted to try some things out with a friend. However, because I was too imperfect in my mind, I was afraid to even be on the dance floor. I couldn’t do what I came to do. It was torture.

Sometimes the hard part is starting. Sometimes it’s finishing.

In the creative life, it’s been said that as a creator you’ll always find something that needs to be touched up on. Whether that’s a speech, a painting, or a video, you’re never going to be truly satisfied. You’ll need to find out how to say “Well, that’s good enough”.

Simply accept that no one is perfect and neither should their work be.

Failure, the Twin of Success

Without failure, we can’t learn. I know, I know. School and Corporate America would tell you otherwise. The thing is, though, is that failure is necessary for growth. Have you ever heard the saying “If I’m not failing, I’m not trying?” Here’s another perspective for you. If you’re not trying, you’re not doing what you’re meant to do. Which means, if you’re not failing you’re not doing what you’re meant to do. Which is worse? Failing or doing what’s meaningful to you?

 

Tactics to Overcome Perfectionism

Prioritization

I recently saw this quote graphic on Facebook:

The-key-is-not-to-prioritize-what’s-on-your-schedule-but-to-schedule-your-priorities-Stephen-Covey-QUOTES

Setting priorities is key. If we stretch ourselves too thin, we’ll be creating opportunities for our perfectionism to get the best of us. When you focus on one thing at a time, you’ll have a high likelihood to get that one thing done. Make sure you realize how much time you’ll need and set realistic time aside accordingly.

Scheduling

I recently posted about my weekly scheduling routine in this post. Weekly scheduling does a couple of things. First, it takes those priorities you just listed and gives them mini-deadlines in a given week. Deadlines are important because setting them and meeting them helps you get to your next priority.

Scheduling, especially with an app like Google Calendar, also gives you a mini-time line and helps you keep track of things you’re going to be doing.

How Do You Eat An Elephant? One Bite at a Time.

Sometimes you’ll find yourself continually hitting a wall when you’re trying to do a project during a certain amount of time. That’s when you know that you’ll need to cut your projects into smaller components. An example might be doing a project for school.

When I was doing my major projects for school, including my senior design project and my thesis, there were milestones that were set for me. As a creative doing our own thing, we need to be able to figure out what those milestones are on our own. If your shooting to get 10 things done in a week and you’ve fallen short, try getting 2 done and see how long that takes.

Fire, aim, ready. Repeat.

In the world of engineering, we’re taught to measure twice and cut once. Be as efficient as possible. However, that can really kill you as a creative. Why? As an engineer we have parameters that we have to build something in. On the other hand, as a creative, we have little to no parameters – other than those we set for ourselves. So the easiest way to figure out what those parameters are is to just fire, see what the bullet hits (if anything), and then adjust accordingly. Then try again.

In the end…

The trick to fighting Perfectionism is to not fear or dread doing your projects.

You still have to get them done. However, Just Do-ing It might involve being a little strategic.

Take back control.

Get your stuff out there and see the difference in the world you can make!

Millennials as Entrepreneurs, Part 9 of 10: A Generational Decision

“The choices we make today are going to have impact on at least two generations after us. That means our kids and our grandkids.” – Campbell Haigh at an LTD Rally in 2007

 

I’m not sure about you, but that kind of frightens me a bit. As of right now, I don’t have kids (they’re in the not too distant future), but you know, I want to be a good example for them. Personally, with all of the political stuff that we’ve been through as of late with more people getting on welfare and believing that society owes them… I’m somewhat worried about my kids getting an influence from that thinking.

 

However, I realize that I can’t protect them from that fully, and potentially one of the biggest things they can see me do is struggle to get New Inceptions to what it has the potential to be in the future.

 

History is Written by Winners – How Will You Impact History?

 

Perhaps the business that you start will only be known about by your family in the future. Or, like Steve Jobs, your name will go down in infamy. That’s luck of the draw.

 

But really, as we’ve eluded to, you have to be a leader to get due credit – bad or good.

 

Something I also heard from the rally I quoted at the start of this section was this: A majority of people who are on their deathbed always wonder about their legacy. If they are going to be remembered. What could they have done differently?

 

This is something else that has driven me to make a mark in the sand. I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering “What If?”. What if I had actually taken the time to start something? What would I have done? Where would I have gone? What would my family had been able to experience?

 

I know that if I do nothing, then nothing will happen. I know that if I work for someone else, they’ll get most of the credit for what I’ve done. We, as people, have the need to be recognized. At what level varies from person to person. I want to be remembered as someone who did something during a time that I could have chosen to mail it in with so many of our generation or do nothing. What’s the opposite of caring? No, it’s not hating. It’s indifference.

 

I’m simply suggesting that you do what Brendon Burchard talks about all the time: Live, Love, Matter. And personally, I don’t think there’s any better way of doing just that than by being an Entrepreneur.

 

Making the Big Choice

 

As I’ve been trying to make the case for as many Millennials to start their own business in this series, I realize that it’s going to be an individual choice for everyone. For me, it’s never really been a question on whether or not I’d go down this path, but when.

 

Personally, I’ve always kind of struggled with authority and even my the most influential people in my life have always asked when I was going to start my own thing. I guess my main problem was that I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do as a business. It wasn’t until I found fizzle.co that I felt that I had the backing and the proper check points in place to start.

 

So that’s one of the things that I would recommend is that if you’re looking to start something, see if you can’t seek insight into that world from people who are already there.

 

Another thing that kind of kept me back was wondering if I knew all I should about whatever it was that I was going to build NI on. Probably just like you, I don’t necessarily feel that I’ve accomplished much. However, when I ask others if I’ve been successful, they say that I have. In fact, they’ve even pointed out a few products that I can make right away.

 

Your hurdles might be completely different. Maybe they’re financial hurdles. Maybe they’re time issues. Everyone will have different things to get through. However, you need to make the choice. It’s either yes or no. And you need to live with and accept that choice.

 

Again, personally, I think it’s much easier to accept a choice when at the end you can at least say you HONESTLY tried.

 

You’re Unique: Share Your Voice, Your Passion, Yourself

 

You’ll probably have the same question as I did. What have I achieved? What do I know? How can I add value to others? The simple truth is that we’re all different – each of us has a story. Even someone that does car maintenance will do it differently compared to another mechanic. Does he see it as something that “needs to be right”? Or does he see it more as an art form? Does he work on cars for historical significance? Or is tinkering simply his passion?

 

When you think of your skill sets, what makes you different? When other people see something as a task… how do you see it? Perhaps it is something like car maintenance. Perhaps it’s something so niche and focused that many people will instantly see you as the expert because before you came, there was nothing.

 

Either way, your individual take and expertise is needed!

 

So below, I’d like you to think of and share at least 5 things that you believe is no big deal that you could 1.) be able to teach others to do or 2.) be able to do for them.

 

What passion and interests do you have that you could share with others and add value to their lives?